[已解决问题] 哪位好心人能帮我改改这篇作文!
提问者:maysea - Q籽一级  [收藏]
悬赏沪元:80 浏览 669 次
老师要求写一篇500字的议论文,感觉自己有好多语法错误呀...
麻烦大家一起来帮我改改了,谢谢拉..



英语一直不是我的强项,这次要求写一篇500字的英语作文,更让我犯难了
题目是"论幸福",写完感觉犯了好多语法错误
想请大家一起帮我修改一下
谢谢拉..


On happiness

Happiness has no shape, no color, and no weight. It can’t be seen and touched. So that happiness always is considered as a mysterious thing. Even people think it is hard to posses. To tell the truth, happiness just depends on which view do you perspective.

Generally speaking, the one who weep for the past or fear for the future both are not the real happy people. In my opinion, there are no secrets on happiness. Happiness is a simple thing. It means living in the now. That is to say, we are happy if we keep our focus on the present moment. Happiness is willing to follow you as long as you understand how to appreciate all that you have right now.

Happiness not belongs to the people who weep for the past. Everyone’s past is filled with regrets that may still cause pain. Whatever happened is in the past, and nothing can change that. That is like you shed tears when you missed the sun. Then you also miss the stars. You can not watch the shining stars with hands cover your eyes. As well as you can not feel the happiness in the present with heart open to the past. But the people who know the meaning of happiness will remind themselves to forget missing the sun instead of remembering to enjoy watching stars. Everyone desires to be a happy people. Why not hold on the memory only allow the damage to continue into the present.

Happiness not belongs to the people who fear for the future. Nobody can feel happy to look into the future with eyes of fear. What’s more, people will lose ample happiness for concerned about future. People often do not cherish what they already have but chase for what they can not get. That is like someone mesmerized in imagine being a superstar in some day while reluctant to satisfy with being an excellent student now. In fact, a happy people is who has proper aim but enjoy his actual situation. Many of us, however, are ignorant of the truth.

The real happy people is one who is living in the now and enjoying what they have. They cherish and appreciate every moment. They are sensible enough to get fun from daily life. They feel happy because today they solve a problem, not because yesterday they won praise.

After all, past is changeless and future is yet to come. Why not enjoy the present and appreciate what you have to be a happy people?
最佳答案
On happiness

Happiness is colorless and weightless(有这么句歌词,这样表达更简洁有力). It can’t be seen or touched. Some people maintain that happiness is as always considered as something mysterious. Others even believe it is hard to possess. To tell the truth, happiness merely depends on how you define it.

Generally speaking, those who weep for (dwell upon也可以) the past or fear (或用live in fear) for the future cannot be the happy ones at all. In my opinion, there are no secrets to happiness. Happiness is a simple thing. It means living in the moment. That is to say, we shall feel happy if we focus on the present moment. Happiness is willing to follow you as long as you understand how to appreciate all that you have got.

Happiness doesnot belongs to the people who weep for the past. Everyone's life is filled with past regrets that may have caused pains(既然前面regret用复数,可以也可用复数) in one way or another. what's done is done and cannot be undone(这是句谚语,用于此处合适). If you shed tears when you miss the sun, you also miss the stars. You can not watch the shining stars with hands covering(这里要用非谓语) your eyes. Similarly, you can not feel the happiness in the present with the heart indulging in the past. But those who know the true meaning of happiness shall constantly remind themselves to enjoy watching stars instead of missing the sun(我把前后换一下 才不至于让人糊涂;你这里与前面呼应,避免了单纯地堆砌名句,处理很好). Everyone desires to be a happy one. Why not make an immediate retreat from the memory and stop the damages where they are now(用stop语气更强,immediate也有此用)?

Happiness doesnot belongs to the people who fear for the future. Nobody can feel happy to look into the future with eyes of fear. What's more, they (用于指上文的内容可用代词) will lose ample happiness due to the apprehensiveness about future. They often do not cherish what they have already had but pursue what they can not possibly get. Someone may be mesmerized in being a superstar some day while reluctant to be an excellent student. In fact, a happy person is someone who has a reachable aim and enjoys the moment. Many of us, however, are ignorant of the truth.

All the happy people are living in the now and enjoying what they have. They cherish and appreciate every moment. They are sensible enough to get fun from daily life. They feel happy because today they solve a problem, not because yesterday they won a praise.

After all, the past is changeless and the future is yet to come. Why not enjoy the present and appreciate what you have to be a happy one?

还有些其它小问题 你可以慢慢对照着看看
写得不错 内容充实 说理充分 有引用 有亮点
开头和结尾也颇有力量 加油!
Keep practising!
2008-1-14 23:36:49 回答者:vincent985


提问者对于答案的评价:^_^,谢谢你花时间帮我修改这么长的一篇文章.而且提出了很多好的意见,我加了你,希望以后有什么也可以帮上你的..
其它回答(3)
always is 改成is always
  7个月前   回答者:becsdb7 - Q籽一级
语法/行文参考:紫色或方框出为建议调整项^_^
On happiness
Happiness has no shape, nor color and weight. It is invisible. Therefore, happiness is (always) considered as a mysterious thing. Even people think it is hard to firmly grasp. To tell the truth, happiness just depends on which view do you perspect.

Generally speaking, the one that weep[s] for the past or fear[s] for the future are not real[ly] happy . In my opinion, there is no secrets on happiness. Happiness can be a simple thing. It means living [Now]. [i.e]., we are happy if we keep our focus on the present moment. Happiness is willing to follow you as long as you understand how to appreciate all that you have right now.

Happiness [doesn't] belong to the people who weep for the past. Everyone’s past is filled with regrets that may still cause pain. [How]ever happened is in the past, [which] nothing can [be changed] . [It] is like you shed tears when you missed the sun. Then you also miss the stars. You can not watch the shining stars with hands cover your eyes. As well as you can not feel the happiness in the present with heart open to the past. [However,]the people who know the meaning of happiness will remind themselves to forget missing the sun instead of remembering to enjoy stars. Everyone desires to be a happy people[person]. Why not hold on the memory only allow[ing] the damage to continue into the present.

Happiness [doesn't] belong to the people who fear for the future. Nobody can feel happy to look into the future with eyes of fear. What’s more, people will lose ample happiness for concerned about future. People often do not cherish what they already have but chase for what they can not get[achieve]. That is like someone mesmerized in imagine being a superstar in some day while reluctant to satisfy with being an excellent student now. In fact, a happy people[person] i
最后修改于 2008-1-14 21:58:06
  7个月前   回答者:cuhk - Q果七级
On happiness

Happiness has no shape, no color, and no weight. It can’t be seen and touched. So that happiness is always considered as a mysterious thing. Even people think it is hard to posses. To tell the truth, happiness just depends on which view do you perspective.

Generally speaking, the one who weep for the past or fear for the future are both not the real happy people. In my opinion, there are no secrets on happiness. Happiness is a simple thing. It means living in the now. That is to say, we are happy if we keep our focus on the present moment. Happiness is willing to follow you as long as you understand how to appreciate all that you have at present

Happiness does not belong to the people who weep for the past. Everyone’s past is filled up with regrets that may still cause pain. Whatever happened in the past, and nothing can change that. That is like you shed tears when you missed the sun. Then you also miss the stars. You can not watch the shining stars with hands cover your eyes. As well as you can not feel the happiness in the present with heart open to the past. But the people who know the meaning of happiness will remind themselves to forget missing the sun instead of remembering to enjoy watching stars. Everyone desires to be a happy people. Why not hold on the memory only allow the damage to continue into the present.

Happiness does not belong to the people who fear for the future. Nobody can feel happy to look into the future with eyes of fear. What’s more, people will lose ample happiness for concerned about future. People often do not cherish what they already have but chase for what they can not get. That is like someone mesmerized in imagine being a superstar in some day while reluctant to satisfy with being an excellent student now. In fact, a happy people is who has proper aim but enjoy his actual situation. Many of us, however, are ignorant of the truth.

The real happy people is one who is living in the now and enjoying what t
  7个月前   回答者:子木李1988 - Q籽一级
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